yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
