My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
