i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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