***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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