The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
