I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
