we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Never joke about your clitoris.
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