Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
