he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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