Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
