Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
