Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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