This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize