The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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