Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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