I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize