I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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