tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
