In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
