remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
