i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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