People in love make me want to vomit
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
