I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
