My Higher Power is John Stamos
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
