We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How's work?
Spinning.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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