Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
