but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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