I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
