You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
