oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
