you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
