420 ftw
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
