My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
