i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
