mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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