just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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