After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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