don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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