I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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