I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YAS. BRING CRAB.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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