Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
