You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
