hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
birth control should be required to get into college
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
