I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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