I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
