and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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