I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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