Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
