Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is Oprah even human
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
