i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
