I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
