The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
