Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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