Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
