my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize