ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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