i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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