How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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