You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
