I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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