Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
