My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
