As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
