call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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