I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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